I've decided I'm not a bad person

I've been going back and forth on this point lately.

I just finished my fourth volunteer 'project'. I've done two in which the activity involved direct contact with elderly/terminally ill people and two that were more behind the scenes. I have to admit that I enjoy the behind the scenes activities infinitely more.

It's not that I don't want to work with the elderly or the sick. I have simply found that I have a severe gap in communication with certain people. In some instances I physically can't understand what they are saying. This makes me feel more than slightly embarrassed as a polite smile and nod only works about 90% of the time. The rest of the time they stare blankly at me, waiting for my answer to their perfectly sensible question.

Behind the scenes I can organize donations or sort clothing with a group of volunteers who I can at least converse with without having to strain to follow the conversation. For a while I felt really terrible about this. Then I spoke with a Jennifer, a volunteer from Connecticut who confessed she too had the same feelings. We decided this didn't necessarily make us selfish or bad people.

I would however like to stretch my comfort level a bit and get 'into the thick of it' more. The Meals On Wheels volunteer work seems to strike a better balance. The elderly shut-ins are grateful and speak very good English. They also don't really want you in their homes so they usually just open the door wide enough for you to hand the food through.

I guess Meals on Wheels will be my baby step toward feeling more comfortable working with the tired, the poor, the huddled masses.

And baby steps are better than no steps at all I suppose.